It's just me against the world

 I try to pride myself on being someone who is loyal, to my family, friends, whatever the case may be. If someone sends me a text or calls they obviously need something from me, so its only respectful to acknowledge it and reply. I even check on your out of the blue just to stay in touch.  But I guess not everyone shares this same view. I'm struggling just as much as everyone else.  Hardly do you ever put forth an effort to get out of your own bubble and see that there is more.  Rarely do I have to hear about your problems first before you ask about mine. Just pisses me off that all the attention gets put on the stupid decisions that are made. Nothing is given to those who are really trying. How much more am I going to keep giving until I'm empty? What would you do if I didn't give anymore. What would you do if I stopped. What if my give a damn was busted and I stopped giving a flying fart in space about your problems. You sure as hell don't listen so why should I continue to care. No one cares anymore. You just want to know what crazy thing I'm going to say next is. That's what I think is the only reason why you keep me around....for the laughs. You don't care that every day I cry b/c the feeling of isolation is unbearable.  You have no idea that I'm beat down and that everything hurts. You say that you are there but every now and then you gotta show me that you are.  Do you know how hard it is to be positive each and every day when you are reminded each and every day of what you don't have. I am thankful for what I do have and know its all part of a reason. But it would be nice to see something good every now and then.  Everyone says that my turn is around the corner...I just have to wait for it. Waiting...sweetheart...waiting. While I wait everyone else gets to enjoy their life. Yes I'm jealous. Yes I'm envious. Waiting for my turn to paint the town red. I want to share in your happiness, but not at the expense of getting my nose rubbed in it. Well cheers to you. Don't trip on your ego on the way out the door.